i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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