i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
