We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
