but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
