Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Please don't give away my fajitas
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
