No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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