I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
