I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
