:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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