My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
