Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
