Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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