Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
