well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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