guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
