You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
