Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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