i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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