woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
we should paint friendship bongs
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
