i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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