Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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