He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
