you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
