My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
