a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
