I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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