my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The Olympian is in my bed
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
