Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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