please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I need to calm my uterus...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
