my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize