It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
