Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
