He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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