So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
