I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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