Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
