Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
