i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
