Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
