So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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