i was born a porn star she said
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize