I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
foreskin is a definite game changer
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize