She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
