We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
