I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
