plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I have tasted many bathrooms
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
