chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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