turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
