If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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