Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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