wrigley field is MILF paradise
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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