I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
