Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
