..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
