weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
