On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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