he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
