People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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