Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize