My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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