I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
3pm strippers are depressing
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
