if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
