Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
