aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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