there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
