I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Randomize
