Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
