Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
