I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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