i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
