marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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