Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
