one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
