sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
